Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Hold It Up

I'm having an existential crisis. I think.

Actually, I have only a vague idea what the word "existential" means but I'm pretty certain I'm using it correctly and I'm absolutely certain it's making me sound smarter. You're impressed, aren't you?

So today for my lunch break I decided to take a walk because my mother gave me her issue of Health magazine and in it it said that for that mid-afternoon energy slump you should take a walk. For those of you who've seen my office building, you know it's in the middle of nowhere and so it was a rather relaxing walk.

My thoughts were racing as I shuffled aimlessly down the road. They spread from "What the hell is my ex/current/who-knows-what-the-hell-he-is/boyfriend thinking?" to "What do I want to do with my life?" Yeah. I'm totally a deep-thinker, y'all. Anyway.

So I realized I'm really not that happy at my job anymore. I've been there for two years, and I feel sort of like I've grown as much as I can. I've already been told that I'll probably never become an account rep or an account rep's assistant because I'm female. Yeah, I know, it sounds sexist, but the reality is it saves my company money and HR concerns if they promote mainly men. Not a big deal, right?

So. Established: I'm ready for a new job. Then I thought, I don't even know what I'm going to school for. I mean, yeah, I know I'm most likely majoring in linguistics, and doing that so I can travel, but really, is that what I want to do? I need to find the perfect major. I need to find a new job. I need to know what I want to do for my career. I hate feeling directionless. I need to do something and I need to do something that matters. Also, I need more money.

Then I realized what I at least want to do with my summer: I'm going to rediscover myself. You can never know yourself too thoroughly, right? And what if I discover I'm a cooler person than I thought? I'm running the risk of discovering I'm even more loser-ish than I thought, but that's not a bad risk to take, I'm thinking. So I'm going to start a new hobby. And I'm not going to wait around for a certain someone to call me and ask me to hang out, regardless of whether or not he is my boyfriend, because he's sort of acting like he wants to be just friends again and this whole "Let's try again and see where it goes" thing was his idea and has lasted only two weeks and I am SO PISSED OFF. And I'm going to save money. I'm going to save like there's no tomorrow, with specific goals in mind.

So, here's a list of Summer Goals:

1. Find a new job.
2. Save, save, save!
3. Know thyself.
4. Start a new hobby.
5. Eat and act healthier.
6. Rock the freaking world.
7. To hell with anyone who says me nay.

P.S. I totally used "existential crisis" correctly. Check out this definition from Wikipedia: "An existential crisis is a stage of development at which an individual questions the very foundations of his or her life: whether their life has any meaning, purpose or value.[1] This issue of the meaning and purpose of existence is the topic of the philosophical school of existentialism."

As my good buddy Ryan would say, "Boo YAH!"


  1. Dating stinks...Hey...I bet that would make a great blog.

    Speaking of blogs, I gave you a shout out on my personal one. Hope you don't mind the droves that about to pound down your blog-door.

  2. Yep like Zach said dating sucks. I got so tired of it that at the age of 19 I quit and got married. I have now been married to the same girl for almost 32 years (5 Oct. will be 32). The thing about dating is if you get past the bad choices and grab the right one it can work out great. I just married my best friend and we still are best friends. Lots of luck on a new job and everything else this great thing called life brings you. Oh, I am one from Zach's shout out.

  3. Zach, thanks for the shout out! I was going to give you one, but then I realized you're my only follower ... so it would be like directing you to your own blog. You're back from your business trip though, right? I'm on Season 3 and I have to say, THANK YOU SO FREAKING MUCH for introducing me to that stellar show. :)

    Mike, the trick is getting past the bad choices, right? Oh well, as long as I learn from them. My parents have known each other since they were twelve and were best friends before they ever got involved romantically. Sounds like you made a good choice! Thanks for checking out my blog. :) Best wishes.

  4. Vashli,Well as far as the trick, I never made the choice that way. I have been lucky in life with finding the best friends. First it was one of Zach’s Aunts. She and I never were romantically involved, my bad, I was scared. We were good friends since a very young age and here is the trick I never asked her for more because I waited too long, only waited like 6 years. She ended up making her own wrong choice, oops did I say that. Anyways she did give her first born my name. Now with Simone; again best friends for a while and again not romantically involved, but wanted to be. Here I got lucky and got shot and after almost not making it she made the first move and it has been great; still best friends. The trick is to not be in a hurry but also don’t wait too long.