You Haven't Seen the Last of Me

I have a new blog. Go visit it. It's here.

Also, here's a cute pic, just for fun.

As If By Magic

So I work two jobs now which means I have even less time to blog than I did when I was unemployed -- which was all the time in the world, but not a lot of motivation unless I was feeling all angst-y. Which reminds me to apologize for all the hormones you've read. So, sorry.

Anyway, one of my jobs is as a phone runner at my uncle's restaurant in Park City. Yeah, it's pretty schwaggy. Which means it's fancy. Anyway. So, I was running food to a family of Italians at the front of the restaurant and you will NEVER guess who was sitting at the table!

Hint #1: "Dis hand wax on, dis hand wax off."

Hint #2: "Bonzai!"

Hint #3: Rhymes with "Schmalf Scotch-io"



That's right, I swear to high heaven that Ralph freaking Macchio was sitting in seat 5 at table 113. I mean, obviously it wasn't the real Ralph Macchio because the kid really was only like 15. I know that because his parents were sitting in seats 1 and 6.

I should have asked for his autograph.

Back of My Hand

I don't think I've ever been this angry.

I can't even put into words how angry I am or how betrayed I feel. I'm gonna try anyway because I'm stubborn like that. I know I was in a situation that had to end eventually but I had always thought it would end amicably. I thought I could trust the person who knew more about me than anyone else, the person I had thought was my best friend. It turns out that's not the case.

My chest is burning with rage even as I'm typing this. I canNOT believe it. I have never in my life treated someone with such disrespect, not even someone I detested. I would not even IMAGINE treating someone for whom I had proclaimed my love with such disrespect. Especially not two weeks after not only proclaiming that love but listing several things that he loves about me. Guess that was all a lie.

Uck. Boys suck. Think it's time to date men instead.

Believe

It's my favorite time of year, tra-la-la! I love Christmas. Everything about it is simply magical. Since I was small, I've loved the sight of Christmas lights, the tingle of cold air on my cheeks, and walking outside when it's snowing. I think it's gotta be something about not having been born in Utah, because every natural-born Utahn I've ever met hates the snow. I, on the other hand, am more than happy with a long winter.

I had an evening to myself, a product of lady pains and lady painkillers that do NOT render me incapable, but I've promised my mother I won't drive with Soma in my system. So instead, I put my energy toward Christmas-fying my basement apartment. I decked the halls, I was jolly, and I was all alone, and it was great. You know those nights when you get to relax and get to know yourself better? Yeah, I had one of those. And it was WAY better than getting all sweaty and gross at some party that's really just a meat market for slutty Provo singles. It was also better than going on a date that most likely doesn't have a future because I'm stupid and particular. No, decorating, relaxing, and blogging while listening to an Irish-style instrumental of the Wassail Song is much, MUCH better. I may be unemployed (which sucks), but my life most definitely does NOT suck. In fact, my life rocks. I've been blessed; I don't think I deserve all I've gotten, but I sure am thankful for it!

P.S. I promise to upload the pix I took soon, but for right now my camera is dead. So be patient, my two followers; it's a virtue.

Gimme Sympathy (Acoustic)

I've been absent far too long from this place. Ha, it's interesting to think of how much has changed since the last time I wrote. I'm not going to go into detail, but let's just say that I've changed jobs, loved and lost, been lost and turned around again. I promise someday I'll get better at this whole blogging thing, but right now this is the best you get.

I find myself at an odd place in my life. I can really do whatever I want. I don't really have anything tying me down. I don't have a job, I don't have a significant other, and I'm not in school because I'm still paying off last semester. It's kind of unsettling, like looking into a deep, dark chasm and feeling the currents from beneath brush against your face and ruffle your heair. It's also liberating and has made me a little bit more of who I am. I know one thing for sure: I will never let myself be late to work again. Learned my lesson there, thank you very much.

I also find myself in the odd position of not really caring about dating. I mean, I enjoy a pleasant date as much as the next girl, but I don't feel like I have to make people like me. I've gone through enough now that I know if one guy isn't interested, the next guy probably will be. Also, I like myself enough to spend time alone with myself and just be. Also, sometimes dating's a hassle; it's exhausting to be charming for three hours straight! But if a guy is willing to take you out and buy you dinner and spend time and money on you, you've got to be charming in return, right?

Another thing I've learned is how to let go. It's been difficult, but I've learned how to let go of hurt and old anger and just overlook however I feel I've been wronged. Honestly? Most people aren't even trying to offend you. It's a little difficult but a whole lot more relaxing to just let it roll off my back. Now, this is not me giving up my ranting rights; I totally reserve the right to rant if I've had a bad day. Just the ranting will only last that one rant and then ... I'll let it go.

Wow. I am so grown up.

Express Yourself

Okay, so I have been remiss. I haven't blogged in a while. Dang it, it was going to be my summer's resolution: Be good at blogging. I fell off the wagon and I sincerely apologize.

So, here's an update on what I've been doing:

I've confronted my boss and won, more or less.

I've cleaned my room.

I've totally revamped my resume.

I've been to the doctor and gotten my blood drawn. Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with me. Just testing my blood count; it came back normal.

I've been thinking about my pseudo-relationship with someone and come to several different conclusions.

I got stuck in Park City because I was babysitting THE MOST ADORABLE BABY EVER!

While I was there, I got to feel just a smidgeon of what it would be like to be a mother, because my aunt and uncle didn't get home till late and I think Grant has night terrors. I bathed him, put him to bed, the whole shebang, and got to stay up with him when he fussed. He was pretty well-behaved, though. :)

Okay, so I've also had random thoughts while I was on my unfortunate blogging hiatus.

• Was there ever a great American novelist who was not a tortured soul?
• Isn't that where great art comes from, tortured souls?
• What are normal relationships like?
• Does anyone know what they're like?
• Can fortune cookies really predict your fate? Like, if you're on the fence about something, and you get a fortune cookie that gives you new perspective, couldn't that count as revelation?
• Why isn't there a major for those like me who just want to learn everything? Except science. I hate science.
• What did women in olden times do for cravings when they were on their periods? I mean, that's probably the only time I ever crave chocolate and I can just run to the store ... so where did they get their sweets?

I've also been busy giving in to my new-found addiction to the Gilmore Girls (thanks, Zach!). I've already decided that will be the topic of my next blog entry.

P.S. I think Zach is home now! Yay!

Hold It Up

I'm having an existential crisis. I think.

Actually, I have only a vague idea what the word "existential" means but I'm pretty certain I'm using it correctly and I'm absolutely certain it's making me sound smarter. You're impressed, aren't you?

So today for my lunch break I decided to take a walk because my mother gave me her issue of Health magazine and in it it said that for that mid-afternoon energy slump you should take a walk. For those of you who've seen my office building, you know it's in the middle of nowhere and so it was a rather relaxing walk.

My thoughts were racing as I shuffled aimlessly down the road. They spread from "What the hell is my ex/current/who-knows-what-the-hell-he-is/boyfriend thinking?" to "What do I want to do with my life?" Yeah. I'm totally a deep-thinker, y'all. Anyway.

So I realized I'm really not that happy at my job anymore. I've been there for two years, and I feel sort of like I've grown as much as I can. I've already been told that I'll probably never become an account rep or an account rep's assistant because I'm female. Yeah, I know, it sounds sexist, but the reality is it saves my company money and HR concerns if they promote mainly men. Not a big deal, right?



So. Established: I'm ready for a new job. Then I thought, I don't even know what I'm going to school for. I mean, yeah, I know I'm most likely majoring in linguistics, and doing that so I can travel, but really, is that what I want to do? I need to find the perfect major. I need to find a new job. I need to know what I want to do for my career. I hate feeling directionless. I need to do something and I need to do something that matters. Also, I need more money.



Then I realized what I at least want to do with my summer: I'm going to rediscover myself. You can never know yourself too thoroughly, right? And what if I discover I'm a cooler person than I thought? I'm running the risk of discovering I'm even more loser-ish than I thought, but that's not a bad risk to take, I'm thinking. So I'm going to start a new hobby. And I'm not going to wait around for a certain someone to call me and ask me to hang out, regardless of whether or not he is my boyfriend, because he's sort of acting like he wants to be just friends again and this whole "Let's try again and see where it goes" thing was his idea and has lasted only two weeks and I am SO PISSED OFF. And I'm going to save money. I'm going to save like there's no tomorrow, with specific goals in mind.

So, here's a list of Summer Goals:

1. Find a new job.
2. Save, save, save!
3. Know thyself.
4. Start a new hobby.
5. Eat and act healthier.
6. Rock the freaking world.
7. To hell with anyone who says me nay.


P.S. I totally used "existential crisis" correctly. Check out this definition from Wikipedia: "An existential crisis is a stage of development at which an individual questions the very foundations of his or her life: whether their life has any meaning, purpose or value.^[1] This issue of the meaning and purpose of existence is the topic of the philosophical school of existentialism."

As my good buddy Ryan would say, "Boo YAH!"