Bottle It Up

I just don't think clothes are fair.

Boys' clothes are so much more comfortable than girls' clothes. I'm not a cross-dresser though. I just like to steal my brothers' clothes. As in, Kiffer's never getting his sweatpants back, Andrew will eventually get his basketball shorts back, and I promised Tyler I would bring back his tshirt on Tuesday or Wednesday. My mom hates that I steal their clothes. I think they're all bitter because they can't steal mine. That would be weird. And kind of gay.

So, funny story about how awesome my brothers are ... because this story is almost not awesome at all. But it is funny. It is also the reason I stole Tyler's shirt. Except, is it really stealing if he gave me permission to take it? Anyway. I went home for Mother's Day and was watching shows with my Mama when she requested I get her some crushed ice in pineapple juice. It's like ambrosia. So I walked downstairs and got it for her and while I was down there, I thought I might have a jonesing for some Coke. Not the drug; no matter how many times my mother tells me I smoke crack, I'm totally not a druggie.

There were two Cokes to choose from. One was the half-full 2 liter in the fridge, the other was a half-full 2 liter on the counter. I thought, "Well, might as well see which one has more carbonation. I don't really like flat Coke." So I took the one from the fridge and jostled it a little to see how carbonated it was. It was okay. Then I picked up the one from the counter and jostled it a little and it exploded.

Seriously, it was like Mt. Vesuvius. I couldn't even see where the cap was gone. All I could do was let out a shriek and watch helplessly as sugary brown liquid cascaded all around me ... It got on my jeans, my arms, my shirt, my face, my hair ... The western half of the kitchen was covered in Coke. Yay.

So my dad and brothers came rushing in to see why I had screeched and burst out laughing. I thought Tyler was going to choke, he was laughing so hard. This makes sense, because I'm 99.9% positive that it was he who shook up the bottle so it would explode on the next person who tried to open it. You win this one Tyler ... but be prepared. Be prepared.